Among the vast number of common misconceptions regarding sex and women, we’ll find this one: if you’re timid about sex in general and can’t relax in the bedroom, it’s either because you don’t like sex at all or you don’t like your partner.
Well, here’s a sincere piece of advice: if you’re one of the many women who find it difficult to relax in the bedroom, throw these garbage generalizations right out the window. The truth is, a lot of shy women love sex and feel strong sexual desire, but they need to dedicate special attention to liberate themselves, get out of their head, and reach that level of comfort which will open the doors to the kind of enjoyment they crave. To help you do all that, we’ve rounded up a couple of useful tips and insights.
Ask Yourself the Key Question
To overcome bashfulness and find that level of comfort that leads to great sex, you need to start with a bit of mindfulness.
Ask yourself: is it difficult for you to relax just when it comes to sex or in daily life as well? You want to do a little bit of introspection to figure out whether your attitude towards sexual intimacy comes from preconceived notions about what it should be like, self-consciousness, being generally stressed and anxious – or perhaps a mixture of all these.
This will help you get to the root of the problem and understand that there’s nothing wrong with you, so that you can start cultivating a more playful approach towards sex and tap into your sexuality. Most often, women will be uptight about sex when they feel this way about other things in life, such as meeting their personal expectations or those of others. Try to let go a little. Work on accepting imperfections, invite some playfulness into your life, and you’ll be able to approach sex from an entirely different perspective too.
Build Emotional Intimacy
In order to enjoy sex as an amazing physical experience you’re sharing with someone, your mind and your spirit need to be in harmony as well. That’s why when you’re more timid and reserved about it, trust and emotional connection play an important part. They create a bridge to opening up in a physical way.
If you’re in a committed relationship, you want to make sure you’re building a strong emotional bond, spending quality time together, and flirting too. Sex is a natural extension of that emotional bond.
Now, the previous point doesn’t imply that you can’t go and hook up with someone you’ve just met, if that’s what you want to do – just that you need to tune in to your senses and allow your gut instinct to guide you. If you feel some kind of a connection with a stranger, it might feel even more liberating to be physically intimate with them because you might feel less pressure. It really depends from person to person, which is why it’s crucial to honor yourself and always ask yourself what it is that you want.
Explore Your Sexuality
Sex is a whole lot more fun when you know what you like, what gets you off, and when you get a sense of your own sexiness. And the best way for a woman to get there is by showing yourself a little love and getting to know your body through masturbation. There are all kinds of different pleasurable toys for women you can have fun with, like vibrators, anal toys, dildos of all shapes and sizes, and much more. Find something you’d like and give it a try on your own – enjoying masturbation will certainly help you figure out what you like and want and give you a sexuality boost that will extend to the bedroom. You can also use your sex toys with a partner to get more comfortable and help you climax.
Always Set the Mood
Can’t possibly get yourself to do it “right here, right now”? That’s okay. In fact, most women can’t, including those who are very open about their sexuality and not in the least timid. Unfortunately, it’s only the shy women who feel bad or guilty about this.
So first and foremost, do away with the guilt and start exploring what are the things that get you in a sexy mood. This might be some sexy music, wearing lingerie, having a glass of wine (while wearing lingerie?), watching something erotic, having your partner massage you, etc. Maybe it’s something like having a bubble bath and lighting candles. Whatever it is, acknowledge that it gets you in this frisky state of mind and use it to drift into foreplay without pressure. Lastly, the most important thing to bear in mind is not to rush anything. It’s okay if you’re bashful about sex now – don’t put more pressure on yourself because what you’re trying to do is to relax. Bit by bit, keeping in mind the advice above, you’ll be able to let go of this shyness so that you’re not missing out on all the fun.